Raw.Real.Recovered.

Look, I’ve done some things. Made some choices. And let’s be real—meth was one of them. I spent years putting things into my body that no sane human should ever ingest. Yet here I am, years into recovery, staring down a prescription bottle like it might explode.

How does that even work?

You’d think someone who used to mix up their own sketchy, back-alley chemistry projects would have no issue taking an antibiotic or a painkiller. But no. Suddenly, I’m an overzealous pharmacist, inspecting labels, Googling side effects, and debating if I really need this medication or if I can just “tough it out.”

Welcome to the irrational fear of medication, post-addiction edition.

The Mental Gymnastics of a Recovering Addict

I used to take everything without question. If it promised to keep me awake, numb me out, or give me a break from reality, I was all in. But now? Now I’m suspicious of ibuprofen.

• What if it makes me feel too good?
• What if I like it?
• What if it somehow, someway, some long shot in hell, leads me back to active addiction or hear me out a purple people eater?

I mean, let’s be honest. No one has ever relapsed on life-ruining substances because of an allergy pill. But my brain, forever trying to keep me “safe,” will absolutely run that fear like a bad horror movie.

Trauma, Trust Issues, and Control Freak Tendencies

A big chunk of this paranoia comes down to control. Addiction is chaos. Recovery, for me, is about structure and lots of prayers. So willingly taking something that alters my state—even slightly—feels like a betrayal of everything I fought for.

There’s also the deep-rooted trauma of knowing what it’s like to need something in a way that ruins your life. I don’t ever want to feel dependent on anything again. So, I overcorrect. I hesitate. I suffer through migraines that could’ve been fixed with a single pill because I don’t trust myself to make rational decisions about what goes into my body.

So, What’s the Solution?

If you’re in recovery and struggling with this same weird fear of taking medication, here are a few things that help me:

1. Reality Check: Remind yourself that there’s a difference between taking what’s prescribed and abusing substances. Needing a medication isn’t failure.
2. Talk to Your Doctor: Let them know your concerns. A good doctor (Love My FNP Mr. DH) will work with you to find safe options.
3. Accountability: If you’re worried, have a trusted friend or sponsor hold onto your meds and check in with you.
4. Self-Compassion: You’re not weak for needing medication. You’re human. And humans get sick, have pain, and deserve treatment. If you had diadetes, you would take your insulin! Same Shit

At the end of the day, recovery isn’t about avoiding all substances forever—it’s about making choices that protect our well-being. So, if you’re sitting there, staring at a bottle of antibiotics like it might steal your soul, just know you’re not alone. And for the love of sanity—take the damn pill.