Tag: writing

• When the Pink Cloud Crashes

  In the beginning, I was pissing rainbows of gratitude. Seriously. Everything was magical. I was sober, I was awake, and I was convinced that my life was about to be one giant inspirational quote.

  I cried happy tears over gas station coffee. I hugged strangers in meetings like we’d been through war together (because, in a way, we had). I journaled about my newfound clarity and told everyone who would listen that I was so grateful to be free.

  And then?

  Life happened.

  The pink cloud—the one that made everything feel light and hopeful and shiny—rolled the hell away. And I was left standing in the wreckage of my actual life, without the numbing comfort of a drink, a pill, or a pipe.

  Because here’s the thing no one really tells you when you first get sober: life keeps happening. It doesn’t pause just because you finally decided to get your shit together.

  Bills still pile up. People still let you down. Your past doesn’t magically rewrite itself. And some days, you wake up and realize that now you have to feel everything you used to drown.

  It hit me hard. The first time I had to sit in real pain without an escape plan. The first time I had to take responsibility for the damage I caused. The first time I realized that gratitude alone wasn’t going to pay my rent, fix my relationships, or undo years of self-destruction.

  And that’s when the real work started.

  I had to learn how to live life on life’s terms—not on my terms, not on some unrealistic expectation that sobriety meant instant happiness, but on the truth that life is messy, unpredictable, and sometimes downright painful.

  I had to figure out how to sit with discomfort without running from it. How to deal with stress without self-destruction. How to accept that not every day is going to feel like a spiritual awakening—and that’s okay.

  Sobriety isn’t about chasing a constant high (even an emotional one). It’s about showing up, even when it sucks. It’s about learning how to cope in ways that don’t destroy you. It’s about facing life, fully awake, even when all you want to do is numb out.

  And you know what? That gratitude I had in the beginning? It’s still here. It’s just different now.

  It’s not loud or shiny. It’s not the kind that makes me want to throw confetti in the air. It’s quieter. Deeper. More real.

  It’s in the small moments—waking up without shame, looking people in the eye again, knowing I don’t have to run from myself anymore.

  The pink cloud was fun while it lasted, but this? This is better.

  Because this is real.

  March 26, 2025

  addiction, blog, health, life, mental-health, passion, recovery, sobriety, spiritual, writing

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• Who am I

  I am your eery cravings and impossible expectations

  A student of every romance living for the next introduction

  Born into deep desires and late night longings

  I am an ever changing epitome of perfection written in the name of pleasure

  Subliminal teachings on how to lose yourself for allure

  Grown into a sacrifice erasing any smudges of individuality blurring your reflection

  I am a vessel of unblemished fallacies and distinct gratification

  An impression of fantasy determined to claim admiration

  Your love comes at the cost of damage to an underlying identity

  A former spirit sitting in wait pending a release holding more significance than erasable markings on mirrors

  I am the essence of love with a touch thats too accommodating

  I am the condition of rejection is complete surrender

  With motivators of praise and an unwavering reverence Your preeminent complement and profound creation

  Who am I

  Author VD

  not mine, but I loved it so much. I had to share it for her. Hope y’all enjoy it.

  March 21, 2025

  blog, heartbreak, life, love, passion, poetry, writing

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• So Why Didn’t Anyone Tell Me That 40 Is Basically Puberty in Reverse?

  So Why Didn’t Anyone Tell Me That 40 Is Basically Puberty in Reverse?

  Listen, if someone had told me that turning 40 meant my body was going to be running on a three-part cycle of wanting sex, craving sugar, and needing naps, I would have saved up all my damn energy for this.

  Seriously. No one warned me. I spent my 20s and 30s running around like a lunatic, stressing over dumb shit, chasing the wrong people, using way too many drugs and trying to find energy for anything remotely enjoyable. And then BOOM—40 hits, and suddenly my body is like:

  • “Hey, remember how you used to struggle to get in the mood? Yeah, not a problem anymore. You’re basically a teenage boy now.”

  • “You know what you need? Carbs. Sugar. Peanut butter Oreos. Don’t question it, just obey.”

  • “Also, naps. Lots of naps. You can’t function without naps now.”

  Like…what kind of sick cosmic joke is this?!

  And let’s talk about the big O. Because WHAT THE HELL. All those years of trying so hard, focusing, stressing, chasing it like it was some kind of mystical unicorn—only for my 40-year-old body to be like, “Oh, you mean this? Easy. Done.”

  WHERE WAS THIS INFORMATION IN MY YOUTH?! I would have taken better care of myself! Conserved energy! Stopped wasting time on mediocre situationships with men who didn’t know what they were doing!

  Instead, here I am, worn out, semi-responsible, and slightly bitter that no one gave me the 40s survival guide.

  So, if you’re younger than 40, consider this your heads-up:

  1. Stop stressing. You’re gonna get better at all the fun stuff.

  2. Eat the damn cake. Your body’s gonna crave it later anyway.

  3. Learn to love naps now, because in a few years, they won’t be optional.

  And if you’re already in your 40s? Cheers, my friend. We’re all in this wild, sugar-fueled, nap-needing, sexually-awakened ride together.

  Now excuse me while I go have a snack and a nap before planning my next…activity

  March 19, 2025

  health, life, mental-health, napping, writing

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• Vitamins Should Come With a Big-Ass Warning Label: Your Pee Will Look Like Superhero Boogers

  Alright, let’s talk about vitamins for a second. You know, the little miracle pills we’re supposed to take to keep us from feeling like we’ve been hit by a truck every morning. But here’s the thing—nobody warns you about the side effect that comes with them. And no, I’m not talking about upset stomachs or feeling jittery. I’m talking about the fact that your pee will turn into glowing, neon green superhero boogers. No one told me that!

  You pop your daily multivitamin or your extra dose of B12 thinking you’re doing your body a favor, right? You’re all “Look at me, I’m so healthy,” feeling all virtuous, and then—BAM. You go to the bathroom, and suddenly it’s like the Hulk just painted the toilet bowl. Your pee is this radioactive, highlighter yellow-green that looks like it belongs in a science experiment.

  I mean, come on, could they at least throw in a warning label? Something like, “Warning: Your urine will now resemble the residue left behind by a superhero after a battle with a villain made of radioactive slime.”

  I get it. It’s the riboflavin (Vitamin B2) doing its thing. But why does it have to be so dramatic? Couldn’t they just tone it down a little bit? Instead, I’m over here trying to figure out if my kidneys are suddenly glowing in the dark or if I’m just peeing out the entire rainbow. Seriously lol

  And of course, there’s no turning back. You can’t unsee it. Every time you pee, it’s like a light show happening in your toilet.

  Vitamin manufacturers: throw in a warning. Something that says, “Side effects include radioactive urine that will probably freak you out but is totally harmless.” And DON’T FORGET TO FLUSH AT A FRIENDS HOUSE, they will think your dying.

  March 19, 2025

  blog, fiction, health, life, writing

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